24 hours earlier… Mike and I are making our way downtown, driving fast, faces pass, headed to Georgia. About three hours in, the urge hits — a bowelquake. Like a true American, my body refuses to perform in public restrooms. It’s like TSA for poop: “Sorry, ma’am, you’re not cleared for takeoff.” At our midway…More
The very lazy river 🪵 💦
For months, my wife, daughters, and I had been looking forward to our family trip to Orlando, Florida. We’d planned it meticulously, booked our stay early, researched all the best attractions, and at the top of our list — even above the theme parks — was this one water resort. It had rave reviews, wild…More
Scrub-a-dub Bubble 🛁 💩
Parenthood is full of firsts — first steps, first words, first foods. Some are heartwarming. Some are hilarious. And some… well, some you’d rather forget. Up until this particular summer day, I was riding a high. My two-year-old had managed to make it through toddlerhood with no major incidents in the tub. No floaters. No…More
A river runs through him 💩 🚣🏼
It started like any other leisurely kayak outing. My brother and I had decided to spend the afternoon paddling around the lake, pretending we were rugged explorers instead of two suburbanites with water bottles and SPF 50 sunscreen. The weather was perfect — blue sky, a soft breeze, and the gentle lapping of water against…More
How I shat in a plastic bag in my mom’s car on the highway, threw it out the window and lost my wallet in the process 🚗 💵 💩
A week ago I had my first traumatizing poop experience. Here’s the story. It’s gonna be long so grab a drink or something. Last weekend I stayed over at my mom’s to spend time with her and to celebrate my birthday with my family. She gave me a ride back home, which is an hour…More
Soupy Poopy
I ate a whole to go container of the most delicious squash soup. The next morning drove to work as always. I felt the poop coming on and stopped at a qt. The stalls were full. Got back in my car, now just 10 minutes from work. Parked in a no parking zone in front…More
The Chocolate Mistake 🍫 💩
It was a cold January morning, and I was getting ready for school like any other day. I had a normal breakfast, packed my bag, and before heading out, I saw a piece of chocolate on the kitchen counter. Without thinking, I grabbed it and ate it as a little treat. Big mistake. About 15…More
Beach Blast ⛱️ 💩
Yesterday was supposed to be chill. I woke up, had a normal breakfast, and later ate a peach for lunch—which, in hindsight, might not have been washed as thoroughly as it should’ve been. That may have been where this saga began. Anyway, I went down to the beach for a quick swim—just 15 or 20…More
Walmart Special on Maxi-Pads and my horrifying experience pooping in a bag 🛍️ 💩
My wife told me this story last week: So I’m driving with our kid in the car, just doing regular stuff, when out of nowhere—BAM—my stomach cramps up so hard I almost had to pull over right then and there. I’m talking about that violent kind of pain that makes you go cold, start sweating,…More
Never trust a fart when you’re stuck in traffic 💨 💩
Okay, so let me tell you what happened to me the other day because it was honestly one of the worst and most ridiculous moments of my life. So, I’m driving to this thing—it’s about an hour away if traffic is chill. I left on time, everything was fine at first, and I was just…More