Ziplocked and Loaded: A Poop Story

24 hours earlier… Mike and I are making our way downtown, driving fast, faces pass, headed to Georgia. About three hours in, the urge hits — a bowelquake. Like a true American, my body refuses to perform in public restrooms. It’s like TSA for poop: “Sorry, ma’am, you’re not cleared for takeoff.” At our midway…More

The very lazy river 🪵 💦

For months, my wife, daughters, and I had been looking forward to our family trip to Orlando, Florida. We’d planned it meticulously, booked our stay early, researched all the best attractions, and at the top of our list — even above the theme parks — was this one water resort. It had rave reviews, wild…More

Never trust a fart when you’re stuck in traffic 💨 💩

Okay, so let me tell you what happened to me the other day because it was honestly one of the worst and most ridiculous moments of my life. So, I’m driving to this thing—it’s about an hour away if traffic is chill. I left on time, everything was fine at first, and I was just…More

The “Log” Drive Home 🪵 💩

The Long Log Drive Home In 2018, my partner was returning home after a long trip to Europe. It had been several weeks since I’d seen her, and I was beyond excited for her to finally come home. I decided to drive to pick her up at the airport, a two-and-a-half-hour journey from where we…More

The Birth of a Shitcident 👩‍🍼

Parenthood is a wild ride. One minute, you’re young, carefree, and sleeping through the night, and the next, you’re calibrating your entire life around nap schedules, diaper blowouts, and car seat tantrums. We were living this reality firsthand with our newborn daughter and potty-training toddler. Both sets of our families lived three hours away—far enough…More