It started like any other leisurely kayak outing. My brother and I had decided to spend the afternoon paddling around the lake, pretending we were rugged explorers instead of two suburbanites with water bottles and SPF 50 sunscreen. The weather was perfect — blue sky, a soft breeze, and the gentle lapping of water against…More
Category Archives: Poop Desperation Stories
Walmart Special on Maxi-Pads and my horrifying experience pooping in a bag 🛍️ 💩
My wife told me this story last week: So I’m driving with our kid in the car, just doing regular stuff, when out of nowhere—BAM—my stomach cramps up so hard I almost had to pull over right then and there. I’m talking about that violent kind of pain that makes you go cold, start sweating,…More
Never trust a fart when you’re stuck in traffic 💨 💩
Okay, so let me tell you what happened to me the other day because it was honestly one of the worst and most ridiculous moments of my life. So, I’m driving to this thing—it’s about an hour away if traffic is chill. I left on time, everything was fine at first, and I was just…More
The Laxative Chronicles: A Tale of Ice Cream and Regret 🍦
The rumble started as a subtle complaint, a gurgle of discontent somewhere in the lower reaches of my abdomen. A week – seven whole days – had passed since my last successful trip to the porcelain throne. At first, the situation was an inconvenience, then a discomfort. Now, it felt like I’d swallowed a particularly…More
The “Log” Drive Home 🪵 💩
The Long Log Drive Home In 2018, my partner was returning home after a long trip to Europe. It had been several weeks since I’d seen her, and I was beyond excited for her to finally come home. I decided to drive to pick her up at the airport, a two-and-a-half-hour journey from where we…More
Brown Sands, New Mexico 🌵💩
It was a bright, cloudless morning when we pulled into White Sands National Park, excited for a day of sledding and exploration. The dunes stretched out before us like a blinding ocean of snow, soft and endless. The kids were already bouncing in the backseat, eager to tumble down the hills and dig to their…More
The Birth of a Shitcident 👩🍼
Parenthood is a wild ride. One minute, you’re young, carefree, and sleeping through the night, and the next, you’re calibrating your entire life around nap schedules, diaper blowouts, and car seat tantrums. We were living this reality firsthand with our newborn daughter and potty-training toddler. Both sets of our families lived three hours away—far enough…More
Cookie Catastrophe 🍪💩
It seemed like a normal Monday night at the frat house. We had just wrapped up our weekly meeting and were gearing up for Monday Night Football on the veranda when our sister sorority, the Kappa Deltas, wandered in with a massive plate of chocolate chip cookies—a special delivery for a couple of our brothers.…More
The School Pickup Poopocalypse 🚗💩
Let me set the scene: It’s a typical afternoon in the school pickup line. We’re parked, bumper to bumper, about ten minutes before dismissal. Cars are stacked behind us, no room to maneuver. In the back seat, my five-year-old, Oliver, is blissfully absorbed in a game on his tablet. Oliver: “I need to poop.” Me:…More